Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
