hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
