Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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