Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
