you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
