I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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