We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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