And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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