He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
