Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
this is an emotional support booty call
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
