I think im going to throw up on grandma
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
