So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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