How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
