i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Buhtt sex?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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