I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
