Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
