What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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