I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
