Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
