What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
3 2 1 whiskey
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
