i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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