This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
