If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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