hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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