I hate all girls vehemently.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
