i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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