u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize