i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
