Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
