I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
