Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
