I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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