Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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