took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
