So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
