How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
