I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
