Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
where are my eyebrows?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
