i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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