Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
