whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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