It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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