I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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