Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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