That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
