the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
