you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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