If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
