the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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