Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
