Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
