the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My penis needs a shock collar
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
