You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
