Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
