my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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